Who I really am
by perky-blackmetal
Summary: James' feelings for Kendall have grown from friendship to love, but he plans to keep it a secret; will he ever be able to come clean about who he really is? contains slash Kames and Cargan
1. Burried Feelings

**Chapter 1 of my first Big Time Rush fanfic, hope you enjoy!**

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><p>James stepped out of the shower, it was warm and relaxing , it definitely helped to clear his mind of everything, especially of Kendall, yes, it might not seem like it but James Diamond was gay and not only that, he was also in love with his best friend Kendall Knight, he still wasn't sure as of why he fell so hard for Kendall, he was bossy, stern and constantly needed to be in charge, not to mention that he was kinda dorky and that his jokes were sometimes plain stupid, yet he was also so protective and caring, you could just get lost in those deep green eyes of his and also he had the most adorable dimples. James' been lusting over Kendall for so long that it was beginning to get disturbing, perhaps that was why he built this image of heartthrob for himself, because he wanted to make sure no one will ever find out who he really was and how he really felt, never.<p>

After finishing his every night ritual which involved putting on a moisturiser and several hair lotions (because he had to look good the following day, he always has to look good) James was ready for his beauty sleep, he entered his room and noticed Kendall peacefully sleeping, there he was, the object of his affection, looking so serene and beautiful, he walked towards Kendall's bed and stroked his cheek lightly, causing him to moan and turn around, James took a deep breath and laid on his bed, closing his eyes as he tried to sleep; Kendall was so close yet so far from him.


	2. Normal day

**This is chapter 2 of my first BTR fanfic!, hope you enjoy, thoughts will be written in italics.**

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><p>Feeling rested James woke up, stroking his eyes he looked over at Kendall's bed but it was already empty, he felt quite disappointed, it might be creepy but he loved seeing Kendall sleep, he lied in his bed staring at the opposite side of the room thinking of the blond guy when he looked at the clock and noticed that he had to hurry.<p>

-It's late already!-

He woke up and began his every morning ritual (yes it takes time to be beautiful) after straightening his hair, putting on a bit of foundation and of course applying his ever present eye liner he was finally ready, so, leaving his and Kendall's shared room he headed towards the kitchen, there was everyone having breakfast, Kendall calmly eating and Carlos gorging himself in bacon and pancakes while Logan looked at him with longing eyes, James rolled his and sat down

-Look who's finally shown up! - Carlos said with his mouth full of food

-Good morning James- Logan said taking his eyes away from Carlos to flash James a smile

-Dude! You take too much time to be ready, I mean, come on! You don't have to look perfect all the time- Kendall told James and immediately laughed

-Are you insane? You always have to strive to look your best, no matter when- James replied _–Wait… does that mean that he thinks I look good? –_

-Hello! Good morning darling! - Said Mrs. Knight greeting James while coming out of the kitchen handing him a plate full of pancakes and strawberries –Anyone know if Katie is awake yet?-

-No mom, she's still asleep -

-That girl is beginning to worry me… lately she spends too much time playing video games, I've read that sleep deprivation is a serious issue- Mrs. Knight sadly said

-Mrs. Knight! These are too many pancakes, I'm gonna have to spend more time in the gym to burn all the extra calories! – A truly bothered James announced her

-Chill out! – Kendall perkily told James – Gustavo's gonna make us practise our dance routines a lot today, so no worries, you won't have to spend more time in the gym and you won't get fat-

-You only say so because you don't care about these things! - James, still unconvinced replied while aiming his stare at Kendall –_why he has to be so hot?-_

-Calm down honey, you'll be fine, now enjoy your breakfast- Mrs. Knight assured James as she headed back to the kitchen.

This breakfast was fun, as all of their breakfasts usually were; living with his best friends was amazing to James, staying up till really late just chatting with them, playing as much hockey as they could, they making him feel better when he was down, it was basically his dream life, too bad he felt a bit different about one of them _–If only Kendall wasn't so cute- _

-Ok we gotta go guys, we're gonna be late for practise! - Logan pointed out

-Yeah you're right, come on James let's go- Kendall said while placing his hand on James' shoulder making the tall boy shiver in happiness.

As Kendall and Logan said goodbye to Mrs. Knight heading outside, James just sat there looking at the window while thinking about Kendall again.

-Come on man, we don't want Gustavo to be angry- Carlos told James driving him out of his thoughts, so he and Carlos also bid Mrs. Knight good bye and left the apartment.


	3. Unexpected encounters

**Chapter 3! enjoy, as with the last one, thoughts will be written in italics**

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><p>Practise was brutal, Gustavo didn't go easy on them at all, they weren't allowed any breaks and had to dance again and again until they got every single step right, once it was over their delight was palpable, at last it was time to rest.<p>

_-What's the point in being on vacations if Gustavo's gonna make us work like donkeys…- _James pondered as he sat on a bench

-My God, at last! –Carlos squealed as he ran out of the place they practised in

_-I wonder why Logan didn't chase him- _James wondered as he ran his fingers through his hair, all that dancing ruined it, but that was a little price to pay to see Kendall sweaty, James knew it was weird to think so, but Kendall looked really sexy when covered with sweat, he just couldn't take his eyes out of the blond guy.

-Is there something wrong? - Kendall asked him

-No, nothing really- James replied as he turned around realising he had been staring at Kendall for too long

-Oh, well it's ok then, I'm gonna go look for Carlos, he gets easily lost - Kendall said sounding quite disillusioned as he left, that threw James off a bit, Kendall couldn't possibly be disappointed because James told him that he wasn't looking at him for any reason whatsoever, could he?

-You'll eventually have to tell him you know- Logan, who had been alarmingly quiet till then, advised James

-Tell him what?-

-As if it isn't obvious James, you were salivating over Kendall just a moment ago!-

-Wait, you… know? - James was truly amazed, he thought he had concealed everything well, from the furtive looks he gave Kendall to the feelings he had for him, was it really obvious as Logan said?

-Dude! First of all you're so stereotypically gay sometimes I think you're joking- Logan answered while laughing – And, man really, sometimes you stare at Kendall with such degree of desire that a school girl would swoon in envy-

-You and your big words Logan-

-Big words? Excuse me! But I said nothing that isn't in everybody's every day vocabulary, anyway, James, you really should think of telling him-

-Tell him? Sure thing, I'll tell him, as long as you tell Carlos about that little crush you have on him-

-Huh? What are you talking about? - Logan nervously asked James

-As if it isn't obvious Logan- James responded imitating the smart boy's tone

-But… How did you know? – Lowering his head an upset Logan enquired

-It's ok Logan, don't be sad, it's just that one sees these things, just as you found out about me and Kendall, I guess-

-Well to be honest it's good actually, knowing that someone understands me, it's like you just lifted a heavy weight from my back-

-Yeah, I know right? - James told Logan with a big smile on his face

-Let's make a deal, why don't we work together in finding out a way to tell Carlos and Kendall how we feel?-

-I'm on! It's a deal- James responded as they shook hands

-… Oh, you're still here? –

Logan and James turned around to see Kelly entering the room

-You seem to be having a quite lively chat, what are you boys talking about? - She innocently asked

-Ah, nothing, nothing at all- Logan evidently uneasy told Kelly, the distress in his voice was so clear that she quickly knew something was going on

-So well, we'll go now- James, not as freaked out at Logan, said –Let's go Loge, bye Kelly!- And they basically ran out of the building leaving a very puzzled Kelly behind.

Once out of Rocque Records, Logan, still nervous, began to breathe heavily.

-That was so close- Still between breaths he told James

-Damn Logan! You're a terrible liar- James scolded him –Kelly totally knew we were hiding something-

-I'm so sorry! You know I suck when I'm under pressure-

-You weren't 'under pressure' she just asked what we were talking about!-

-Please understand James- Logan begged him, it was beginning to get scary as he had begun to hyperventilate

-Well, ok, forget everything about it-

-Can we go home now? I really need to calm down- Logan anxiously moaned

-You go on ahead; I wanna drop by the store to buy something-

-Sure! See you at 2J-

As Logan headed home James walked around without actually going anywhere, he had lied, he wasn't going to a shop of any kind, he just wanted a time for himself so he could think. James was deeply immersed in thoughts again, he pondered about every single thing that had happened that day so far breakfast, practise, Kendall; especially Kendall, what was he gonna do about him?

James' mind was all over the place, miles away and nowhere at the same time, it was everywhere, everywhere but on the pavement, he tripped and fell, hitting his head hard against a boulder.

_-This is not pretty- _was the last thing that crossed his mind as he lost consciousness

It was the middle of the afternoon, the sun shined bright and everyone could see James lying on the side of the road, yet no one did anything, every person was seemingly too busy to do something, and they just ignored him, continuing with their day.

-Who's that over there? - Some girl with brown hair had finally noticed James' unconscious body

-He's passed out! - A blonde girl who was accompanying the brown haired one told her as they ran where he was –Wait a second, is this… is this James Diamond?- The astonished blonde asked her friend

-Oh my god! It totally is him! - The brunette girl said as surprised as her companion was

-Come on, there's no time to loose, call an ambulance- The blonde urged the brown haired girl as she quickly observed James to make sure he wasn't already dead or anything

-Wow his arms are like, huge! - The brunette girl said as she admired James' developed arms

-Hello? Ambulance!-

-Ah! Yeah, right-

James woke up in a hospital bed, his head hurt a bit and he didn't know how he got there, looking around he could see that he was in a room full of other hospital beds, most empty, he then also noticed two girls sitting besides him, one blonde with blue eyes, wearing something that seemed straight out of a fashion magazine and the other was a brunette, who wore the most flamboyant red dress he had ever seen

-Hello? – He told the girls, eager to know who they were

-Mr. Diamond you're awake! - The blonde one said while she stood up

-We were so worried! I was so scared that you might end up with permanent brain damage, because I admire you so much! Big Time Rush is one of my favourite bands and… and, I'm ranting again, right? - The brunette turned to ask her friend

-Yes, yes you are- the blue eyed girl answered with a sardonic tone

-So… did you girls were the ones that brought me here? - James kindly asked them

-Yes, we saw you lying at the side of the pavement, we were quite scared actually- The blonde replied to James, she spoke with a very noticeable Irish accent and an oddly low-pitched voice

-Thanks a lot, really, so as you already know who I am, would you tell me who you are? - James enquired the girls

-Ah, yeah, my name is Nina Flaherty- the blonde kindly replied

-And mine's Caroline Lane- the brunette said, James couldn't stop staring at her weird red dress _–What the hell is this lady wearing?-_

-By the way! – Caroline basically shouted as she took a piece of paper and a pen out of her handbag –Have our phone numbers! - And after writing them down on the paper she handed it to James

-Thanks? ... – a clearly confused James replied to Caroline as he put it inside his pocket

-Now you can call us whenever you want! Isn't it awesome?-

-Caroline, please- Nina was visibly embarrassed by her friend's eccentric behaviour

-It's ok, let her be who she is- James told Nina smiling, she was clearly a lot more put together than Caroline, but there was something that was 'off' about her

-Here you are!-

James heard Carlos' voice and he turned to see everyone from 2J there; Carlos, Logan, Mrs. Knight, Katie and Kendall _–Oh Ken…-_

-Honey, are you all right? - Mrs. Knight asked him as she hurried to bed he was in, everyone soon followed her

-Hey everyone- James evenly saluted –How did you know I was here?-

-Some doctor asked us if we knew someone that could help you, so I kinda checked your phone for numbers of people we could call, I saw Carlos' and I called him! - Caroline responded, her checking his phone bothered James a bit

-So it was you who called! - Carlos smiled and pointed a Caroline

-That was a bit rude… - Kendall sarcastically remarked _–Who the hell are these girls?-_

-Calm down Kendork, someone had to tell us somehow- Katie replied to her brother and he just shot her a death glare

-Anyway, we will go now- Nina said –We'll leave you in private, let's go Line-

-But I wanna stay with Big Time Rush a bit more!-

-Line, let's go! - Nina dragged Caroline out of the room while politely bidding everyone a farewell, all of them replied except for Kendall, he acknowledged that he didn't know those girls, but he already disliked them

-I'm so happy that you're ok dear, it's such a relief that your friends could help you- Mrs. Knight told James as she caressed his forehead

-Well, they're not really my friends Mrs. Knight; they just saw me in trouble and decided to lend me a hand-

-They seem like nice people- Mrs. Knight said

-And the blonde girl with the funny accent was kinda cute! – Carlos commented as Logan rolled his eyes, James knew it was because he had apparently found Nina to be cute

_-What the hell's wrong with you people? Those two are just not to be trusted, that blonde chick is hella ugly, the other one is obviously a quack…- _Kendall thought; he just didn't like them

-So glad you're ok James- Logan said breaking a brief silence

-Yeah man! You had us so worried- Carlos said smirking, while Kendall placed his hand over James', they then locked stares and Kendall smiled, that basically melted James' heart _–Why can't I have you?- _

-James Diamond? - A doctor asked he stepped inside the room

-Yeah?-

-You're free to go now, have this recipe and do everything it says, don't forget to be careful with your head, ok?- The doctor said as he left, he seemed to be in a hurry, as all doctors always were

-Let's go home then, everyone- an eager Mrs. Knight said

At Palmwoods, James felt so happy to be back home, Mrs. Knight and Katie quickly went back to their apartment, but the boys wanted to hang out at the pool for a while to cheer James up a bit, time flied away for him, he laughed so much that he forgot that his head still hurt a bit, he wished that moments like this one lasted forever.

-Guys! - Camille screamed as she, coming out of nowhere, ran to them, she had the nasty habit of doing that regularly

-Camille, what the hell? - Logan widened his eyes and asked her

-Whatever Logan! I need to tell you something, Have you guys heard the news?-

-No, apparently we haven't- Kendall still on sarcasm mode replied

-Too bad! Because they're like, super good news! Jo's coming back from New Zealand for vacations!-

And as Kendall's eyes lit up, James felt as if the happiness was sucked out of him.

_-Why did she have to return?-_

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><p><strong>So yeah, OC's, I hope you don't mind them, and no, you don't have to worry, none of the boys will helplessly fall in love with them nor they'll turn out te be related to any of the main characters<strong>_.  
><em>


	4. Face the truth

**Hello to all my readers! sorry for taking so long to update, I've been busy and this chapter is long-ish, remember thoughts are in italics, enjoy!**

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><p>That night James couldn't sleep, he has picked up the habit of getting lost in thoughts and now, lying in his bed, he did so again, what was he to do? He wanted Kendall apart from Jo, he was well aware that Kendall would never return his feelings, but it'd be less awkward to lust after Kendall if he was single.<p>

_-Again to fake –_James thought, he was a pretty good actor, he could flicker the warmest, most sincere looking smiles even in his saddest moments _–Maybe it's 'cause I'm kinda cute and everyone is too busy admiring me- _He smirked when he told that to himself, James knew he was a hot guy, stares from both men and women gave it away _–I know that if Kendall played 'on my team', he'd want me in no time… wow! Sometimes I can be such an ass… - _He scolded himself while looking at the window, morning was nearing so he closed his eyes and tried to relax, finally managing to sleep after a while.

He woke up and quickly glanced at his mobile to check the time, he had slept at lot, it was already afternoon. Kendall was long gone, nothing made James happier, he wanted to stop thinking about him for a while, it was Friday, and Gustavo agreed (after a rather long, tiresome argument) to let them have free Fridays and Saturdays, plus Sundays were universal mandatory free days so he couldn't argue on that, this was perfect for James, that day he was going to hit the gym, he decided to get even hotter because if he couldn't have Kendall, he had to find a guy to distract himself with, he put on a muscle shirt and very tight shorts, no one could resist that, so, grabbing his gym bag James opened the door of his room to step outside seeing a pair of beautiful green eyes and bushy eyebrows in the process.

-Kendall! – A bit astounded, James said, never taking his sight out of Kendall's green eyes

-Yeap, that's me- Kendall, trying to sound nonchalant said, but James noticed that Kendall's cheeks were a bit pinkish, clearly he was blushing and besides; the blond guy couldn't take his eyes off James' body

_-Is he checking me out?... No, that can't be-_

-So, going to the gym? - Kendall still trying to be cool asked

-Yeah, it's been a while since I last did- James replied smiling –Gotta run! Bye!-

-Bye, see you soon- and with Kendall saying this James left the apartment, a bit perkier than yesterday, but still definitely sad.

-I'm telling you Logan! All my stuff comes to life when I'm not looking at them!-

-Seems like you've been watching too much toy story again, Carlos- Logan said as they left their room, sometimes Carlos made no sense, but that was one of the things that made him cute

-Then how come that sometimes when I go back to our room, my clothes, for example, are in a completely different place?-

-Has it ever occurred you that it's because Mrs. Knight goes in and tidies up the place?-

-Oh… no, actually not- Carlos was disappointed, seems like he actually thought that his stuff came to life when he wasn't looking at them

-Come on Carlitos; don't be sad, let's watch some cartoons, shall we?-

-Ok, sure- Carlos still pouting agreed but once Logan turned on the TV and Carlos noticed that his favourite cartoon was on, his face instantly brightened up and he began to sing the opening song at the top of his lungs

_-This is the cutest joy ever- _Logan told himself, he could watch Carlos for hours

Meanwhile Kendall came out of his room and saw Logan and Carlos watching some silly cartoon, he ignored that, they were too old to be watching cartoons meant for little kids

-Guys I'm gonna go downstairs and meet up with Jo, don't wait for me- He told them

-Sure Kendall! Have fun- Logan told him, Carlos was just too focused on the TV to notice anything.

James wiped his forehead with a handkerchief, he was so sweaty, not only he had spent two hours and a half in the gym, he also walked back home, but it didn't matter all that much, exercise made him feel invigorated, happy and above of all, sexy, at the gym he got a lot of looks and it was the same back a Palmwoods, some girls wanted him, some others ignored him, he didn't care about them and some boys envied him while others desired him, those were the ones he cared about _–But still none of them are Kendall…-_

He then looked at the pool and spotted a blond guy sitting next to a blonde girl, Kendall and Jo seemed to be very much into each other, they were sitting very close together and James absolutely envied that, he wanted to have that with Kendall, he couldn't resist, he had to check out on them and see what they were up to

-Hi- approaching them, James greeted with the most cheerful tone he could pull off

Kendall and Jo took their eyes off each other to look at James, Jo smiled and stood up, she seemed genuinely happy to see him

-James! It's been such a long time- She said as she hugged him

-Yes, I know right? – He replied and hugged her back; fake joy was easy for him, but his attention was on Kendall, he was just staring at him, it almost seemed like Kendall was checking him out, like earlier that day, but that couldn't be possible, right?

Jo pulled out of the hug and looked at Kendall, afterwards she looked back at James smirking, that threw James off, was she on to something?

-So well, guys, I gotta go I really wanna take a shower, see you! - He told them as he ran back to the apartment, barely hearing Kendall's and Jo's farewells, he just wanted to have a bath and get in the bed, it didn't matter if it was too early, he wanted to sleep.

The night passed and James could actually sleep peacefully, he woke up around noon, he had seriously overslept again and Kendall had already left their room

–_I really gotta wake up earlier so I can watch Kendall sleep for a bit- _He thought as he headed to the bathroom to begin his every morning ritual, afterwards he left the room and saw everyone sitting in the couch, eating crisps and watching some hockey match, it seemed like they were gonna have a normal day together, exactly what James wanted

-So guys gotta go, gonna meet up with Jo at her apartment later, I really would not want to miss hockey but you know how girls can be- Kendall announced everyone and he walked out, without even realising James was standing there, that broke James' heart, Kendall again left him to be with Jo, he tried to forget about it and sat in the couch next to Carlos, he needed to be distracted

-So what are we doing today? - James asked Carlos

-Well, I dunno, Logan and I were going to hang around at the poolside after the game, do you wanna come?-

-I…- James was about to say yes when he noticed that Logan was motioning him to say no, he obviously wanted to be alone with his Carlitos

-No, I actually can't Carlos, just remember that I already was gonna meet up with some friends-

-Friends? , what friends? - Carlos asked him, that was a question James couldn't answer he had just made up that excuse

-Some I made at the gym, actually I gotta get ready, have fun guys! - James told them as he went back to his room, what was he gonna do now? , He wanted to leave Carlos and Logan alone, but he didn't wanna be alone himself, he knows he tends to think a little too much, however those thoughts exactly were the ones that provided him with an idea, he just remembered about the girls that helped him last time, Nina and Caroline, and how the latter gave him her cell phone number, he opened his closet and looked for the pair of trousers he wore that day, it was a good thing Mrs. Knight hadn't cleaned them, he searched in its pockets and there it was, the piece of paper Caroline gave him, it not only had Caroline's number, it had Nina's as well, he decided to text the Irish girl, as she was the least awkward of the two.

-"Hi, it's me James Diamond; I wanted to know if u girls wanted to hang out with me at the mall for a while, I'm a bit bored"-

Less than a minute later, he received a reply.

-"Hello, thx for inviting us, I assured Line that u would never call lol; can we meet you there in 2 hours?"-

-"Perfect! I'll c u there!"-

_-Two hours? Enough time to get ready- _James told himself and he began to dress

The mall was definitely one of James' favourite places; he could shop until he almost ran out of money, eat his favourite food, or just hang out and do pretty much nothing, he loved hanging out at malls, but as Big time rush got more popular, his opportunities were less and less as more people recognized him and asked for autographs and pictures, shortly after he arrived there three girls approached him wanting just that, it was obvious that his sunglasses disguise was not a very effective one, but it had to do

_-Will they actually show up? - _He wondered, but his question was quickly answered, he spotted the blonde and the brunette girls running towards him, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that his shades didn't quite hide his identity

-Mr. Diamond? - Caroline asked him, she dressed down this time for a change

-Uh hu- James replied as he took off his sunglasses– I'm very glad you could make it here, but, seriously, I don't like you calling me 'Mr. Diamond', to you I'm James-

-Sure… James- Nina still hesitating told him –Would you like to do something in particular now that we're here?-

-Do you girls like to shop?-

-Are you kidding me? We love to shop! – Caroline with a wide smile responded while looking at Nina

Shopping was awesome, James bought so many stuff and he was carrying so many bags that one could say it was almost like lifting weights, Nina complained a lot that she was gonna end up broke, but Caroline assured that she would repay her later, money did not seem to be a problem to the brunette girl. James had began to actually like them, they proved to very fun to be around with, Caroline would say the most stupid jokes and Nina would beg her to stop, to her it was embarrassing but James didn't really mind them, in fact they were indeed funny (but still silly) jokes.

-Can we stop for a bit? I'm getting tired- Caroline complained, and James agreed, after a lot of walking (and a lot of people recognising him) he was ready to sit and eat something

They went straight forward to the food court, the girls were hungry so Caroline bought a hamburger, Nina had some sushi and James just wanted an ice cream, the brunette girl gobbled her meal without any hesitation while the blonde gracefully ate her sushi rolls

_-They embody the tomboy and the girly girl stereotypes- _James thought when he spotted some blond guy, whose hair colour was a lot like Kendall's, they even had similar hairstyles, that saddened James quite a lot.

_-Wonder what's Kendall doing now; he must be having a blast with Jo- _He asked himself while looking at Nina's own blonde hair, it was like pouring salt into his wounds.

-Is there something wrong? – Caroline was quick to ask him

-No, nothing- James told her, faking a relaxed tone

-Come on, there's something wrong with you Mr. Diamond… I mean James- Nina told him –You can tell us, we're trustable, you can spare as many details as you want-

James felt that that was true; the girls did seem to be trustful

-Well, you see, I like someone-

-Oh I see, and that someone seems to be making you a bit gloomy-

-Actually he's practically killing me, I'm sure he doesn't like me back- James sadly said while staring at the floor, however it still was kind of nice to let people know how he felt

-He? It's a he?- Caroline jumped off her chair and asked him, James quickly realised his mistake, he had just come out to this girls when he didn't meant to do so, but Caroline didn't seem angry, actually she seemed happy… almost too happy.

-Well, why don't you tell him? The worst thing that could happen is him saying no- Nina urged James, she was kinda right

-That's exactly what Logan told me, but what if he rejects me and doesn't speak to me ever again?-

-So Logan's the smart one of the band after all, brilliant- Nina told James smiling –But, is the boy you like a friend of yours? Because well, I'm guessing he is, one just doesn't randomly fall in love with people-

-Yeah, he's in fact very close to me-

-Then tell him silly! If he's your friend but doesn't like you as in really like you, then he'll understand- Caroline guaranteed James, she was also kind of right, but he was still scared of what could or could not happen

-Thank you girls, really, you actually did help me- He took a deep breath while saying this, but then smiled at the girls, this time his smile was real

-So, since you just told us your secret, then I should tell you mine, you know, to be even- Nina told James

_-What kind of secret she could possibly have? Will she tell me about her voice? - _He thought, remembering how low Nina's voice was, he had kinda forgotten even though he'd been listening to her all this time

-Nin, are you sure you're ready? - Caroline worriedly asked her friend, even her stare changed, she didn't look cheerful anymore

-Yeah, he came out of closet to us, as I said, gotta be even-

Nina looked around, as if to make sure no one was listening to her besides them, she came close to James and whispered

-I'm a man- While sounding just like one would

-What?-

Kendall knocked Jo's door, she was finally back, that meant they could do stuff a boyfriend and his girlfriend are supposed to do, that'd help him with a problem he's been having lately, he had been thinking about James more than someone who was just a friend would, it was creepy and he didn't know why was he, luckily Jo had returned and that meant everything would be normal again, right?

-Kendall, Hi! - Jo told him when she opened the door –Come on in, dad's out-

-Sure- Kendall replied to her and he stepped in, he really did miss Jo's apartment

-Come on sit besides me- Jo told Kendall while she sat down on a sofa and he quickly followed her, he grabbed Jo's hand and she pulled him close to her for a kiss, it was very sweet, a kiss from Jo was everything Kendall wanted, but there was something wrong with the whole thing, he was there with Jo, but his mind seemed to be somewhere else, for some reason he was thinking of none other than James, he couldn't take James of his head, what was wrong with him?

-You're thinking of him, aren't you? - Jo pulled out of the kiss and asked Kendall, looking straight to his eyes

-Thinking of who? – Perplexed Kendall asked Jo back, she was aware Kendall wasn't quite into the kiss

- I am not dumb Kendall, I might have been gone for a while, but I've noticed the way you look at him, I've seen it, even before I left-

-At who? - Kendall was beginning to get angry, what was Jo talking about?

-At James, Kendall! Don't play silly, I know you guys exchange stares-

-What the hell are you talking about?- Kendall yelled at Jo -I don't check out James nor he checks me out, we are not gay! Got it?-

-Kendall, stop lying to me please and yourself for that matter, you have to accept who you are, it's the only way you could ever be happy, besides I don't wanna be with a guy who doesn't actually like me and you obviously don't- Jo sounded serious and her expression was unfazed, but it all didn't matter to Kendall, Jo was wrong, she had to be wrong

-Listen, if you called me only to tell me this, then there's something seriously wrong with you, you're seeing things, I do not like James, ok?, bye! - Kendall stormed off Jo's apartment, seemingly very angry

Jo stared at the door for a while; she knew she was right, Kendall practically undresses James with his stare, and he does so too, it was all finally clear to her yesterday, when she was with Kendall at the pool and his jaw pretty much dropped when he saw James sweaty in that skimpy outfit, now to her their relationship was no more, it would stupid to stay with Kendall and live a lie, yet she felt like she had to do something

_-I know what I'll do- _Jo thought while she grinned, she was certain that her plan was gonna be successful

Meanwhile Kendall angrily headed back to 2J, he couldn't care less about the rest of the world, he was furious, why did all of that have to happen?

_-How does she dare to say that? –_He thought, who was she to imply that he 'looks' at James? He certainly doesn't, does he?

_-I mean, sometimes I have, but it was just to see what kinda clothes he was wearing, or how much he had progressed on the gym, or just to see his flawless face and perfect hair… wait, what?-_ Kendall couldn't believe that he just admitted that to himself, was he really not gay?

_-And what if Jo's right, what if I'm gay and I like James, she said that he also gives me the looks, but that can't be true, James' not gay, he seems like it, but he's not, right? And on top of all he's not into me… or is he?- _

Kendall had made all the way back to 2J, but no one was there, not even his mum or Katie, it was excellent, now all he wanted was to be alone.


End file.
